Dinner Table Banter Pillows

'The drains are blocked.' 'Don't use paper plates.'

"You owe me five bucks."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

The Shakespeares Dine Out.

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"You ordered mammoth again?"

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

'I wouldn't say you're boring, Chuck, but you're the only person I know who records The Weather Channel.'

"When you say 'the same', do you mean worse or better?"

Dear, this is the third time we've had broccoli casserole since you declared an end of major hostilities.

'Will you stop going BAAAAA every time I eat a piece of lamb!'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'Today I learned it's hard not to sound condescending when explaining science to a religious person.'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

"Because of the war can we split this?"

"Slop again?!"

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

'Forget about National Security for a second... if I'm not home in an hour for dinner, there's going to be some REAL FIREWORKS!'

"Don't try to distance yourself from my choice of entrée."

"Do you two need a little more time?"

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"

'What are we having for dinner?'

'They were in the lab fooling around, and suddenly Greg found himself in possession of some tiger genes.'

'Tom Jones is still my favorite movie. It has the most explicit eating.'

'Nice guys finish last - is that your philosophy of life or sex?'

Waiter battles with his customers.