Dinner Table Jokester Gifts

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

Onion operation.

International House of Excrement

Couple sharing the plastic widget from a pizza box like a chicken's wish bone

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

"Now now, what have I told you about using your zombie knife at the dinner table..."

'Can't we have something other than curry for a change?'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

"While you're waiting for your order, can I pick something off someone else's plate for you?"

"Honey, will you text grace, please?"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

"The trick to this particular dish is not letting your mother mess it up."

"You know what would compliment this meal? A nice vintage milk of magnesia"

"When no one's looking, I'm cramming this entire ball of pasta in my mouth."

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

'Waiter there is a candlestick in my soup!'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

"I think it's the spoon you want, I'm a confirmed spatula."

"Your husband's pot roast is heavenly. It takes an eternity to chew it."

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

'Blackened Fish: Cook until the smoke detector goes off.'

"Can I get you your bill sir?"

'Do you have anything that looks like a cantaloupe but tastes like a cheesecake?'

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'