Table Etiquette Satirist Pillows

The joy of dining with dog loving friends.

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

"The last doggy bag."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

"Are you gentlemen ready to eat or would you like to bat your food around awhile?"

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Your Dinner is in the Tin

"You're an herivore, Bob. An herbivore...And start chewing your food."

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

"Not at the table."

Break Bread, Not Wind.

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"

I don't care who you are - if you didn't reserve the round table. I'll have to seat you in a booth.

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

"A Mister 'Ty Gurr' wants to reserve a table next to our fattest customer."

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

'We're very on-the-hoof, of the moment kind of people - would it be possible to dine off Styrofoam?'

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

"Soup of the day? Mumbo Jumbo Gumbo."

"You've got a bit of brain on the side of your mouth."

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'

"Do you HAVE to pick your nose at the table?!!"

"You're the only one in here who had to ask for a knife and fork."

'Eat your vegetables, or you'll go mad like your father!'

To Hell with Protocol, Walk In