Table Etiquette Satirist Gifts

The joy of dining with dog loving friends.

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"The last doggy bag."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Your Dinner is in the Tin

"You're an herivore, Bob. An herbivore...And start chewing your food."

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

"A Mister 'Ty Gurr' wants to reserve a table next to our fattest customer."

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"

"Soup of the day? Mumbo Jumbo Gumbo."

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'

"Do you HAVE to pick your nose at the table?!!"

"You've got a bit of brain on the side of your mouth."

"You're the only one in here who had to ask for a knife and fork."

'Eat your vegetables, or you'll go mad like your father!'

To Hell with Protocol, Walk In

Harold...your human is open.