Table Etiquette Aficionado Gifts

"You're an herivore, Bob. An herbivore...And start chewing your food."

"At least try to eat your soup in time with the music."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

'While you're doing his brain surgery, can you tweak things a bit so he'll stop picking his nose at the dinner table?'

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"Hey! What did I tell you about drinking right out of your super bowl, young man?"

"The last doggy bag."

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

"Neat Nick!": Tidiest cowboy in the west

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Are you gentlemen ready to eat or would you like to bat your food around awhile?"

"What a slobster."

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

"Oh no! Didn't you bring your phone?"

I'll have a hamburger.

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

'Have you been eating right?'

'It's rude to stretch across the table. Haven't you got a tongue?'

"Not at the table."

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

"Our chef recommends I 'get a haircut and lose the wise-guy attitude.'"

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"

'Smoking section, please.'