Dining Etiquette Enthusiast Gifts

"Sorry, sir, I can't let you in without a real tie."

"Forgive my ignorance. What is the correct tip amount?"

I'll have a hamburger.

'I think perhaps he wants us to go.'

'Smoking section, please.'

'I'm afraid we can't allow two fat, ugly bastards like you to have a window seat.'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

Oogs restaurant - Gentlemen must walk upright.

'We're here to eat so the first one to pick up their phone pays for the meal...'

"Bad news, Sam, we're going haute and you have to take off your cap."

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

'I hope that wasn't a slurp I just heard!'

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."

"You know, it's rude to chew with your mouth open."

"Excuse me."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Great coffee, Carole."

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'While you're doing his brain surgery, can you tweak things a bit so he'll stop picking his nose at the dinner table?'

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

"The last doggy bag."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"They don't allow cell phones."

"What a slobster."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"Wait. Let it breathe."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Are you gentlemen ready to eat or would you like to bat your food around awhile?"

Screen Time at the Dining Table