Dining Etiquette Enthusiast Gifts

I'll have a hamburger.

'I think perhaps he wants us to go.'

'Smoking section, please.'

'I'm afraid we can't allow two fat, ugly bastards like you to have a window seat.'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

Oogs restaurant - Gentlemen must walk upright.

'We're here to eat so the first one to pick up their phone pays for the meal...'

"Bad news, Sam, we're going haute and you have to take off your cap."

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

'I hope that wasn't a slurp I just heard!'

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."

"You know, it's rude to chew with your mouth open."

"Excuse me."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Great coffee, Carole."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"The last doggy bag."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"They don't allow cell phones."

"What a slobster."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"You're an herivore, Bob. An herbivore...And start chewing your food."

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

The Last Dinner