Dining Etiquette Lover Gifts

"The last doggy bag."

'For Heaven's sake, Murray! Take a toothpick!'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Great coffee, Carole."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"What a slobster."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

"They don't allow cell phones."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

I'll have a hamburger.

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

'Smoking section, please.'

"For the last time Helen, I'm on a murderous rampage. I'm not going to chew with my mouth closed."

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."