Dinner Etiquette Appreciator Gifts

'Well I think you can be a carnivore and still have some table manners.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Grandma's caf

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Great coffee, Carole."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'While you're doing his brain surgery, can you tweak things a bit so he'll stop picking his nose at the dinner table?'

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

Eye of Newt (evidently the favored hamburger condiment for witches)

"The last doggy bag."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"Are you gentlemen ready to eat or would you like to bat your food around awhile?"

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"What a slobster."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

I'll have a hamburger.

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."

'Smoking section, please.'

"For the last time Helen, I'm on a murderous rampage. I'm not going to chew with my mouth closed."