Dinner Etiquette Appreciator Pillows

'Well I think you can be a carnivore and still have some table manners.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Grandma's caf

"Great coffee, Carole."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"The last doggy bag."

Eye of Newt (evidently the favored hamburger condiment for witches)

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"What a slobster."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

I'll have a hamburger.

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

'Smoking section, please.'

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

"For the last time Helen, I'm on a murderous rampage. I'm not going to chew with my mouth closed."