Dinner Table Etiquette Enthusiast Pillows

"Don't eat that. You have no idea where it's been!"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Great coffee, Carole."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

'While you're doing his brain surgery, can you tweak things a bit so he'll stop picking his nose at the dinner table?'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"The last doggy bag."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Hey! What did I tell you about drinking right out of your super bowl, young man?"

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

'Don't chew your food.'

Screen Time at the Dining Table

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Are you gentlemen ready to eat or would you like to bat your food around awhile?"

"What a slobster."

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

'Have you been eating right?'

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'It's rude to stretch across the table. Haven't you got a tongue?'

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"