Dinner Table Etiquette Enthusiast Pillows

"Don't eat that. You have no idea where it's been!"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Great coffee, Carole."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"The last doggy bag."

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"What a slobster."

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

'Don't chew your food.'

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

'It's rude to stretch across the table. Haven't you got a tongue?'

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

'Have you been eating right?'

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."