Dining Etiquette Admirer Gifts

'It's marvellous Gordon, how you manage to attract the waiter's attention.'

'you'll have to excuse cousin Vern, he used to be a Lab Rat.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Great coffee, Carole."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'While you're doing his brain surgery, can you tweak things a bit so he'll stop picking his nose at the dinner table?'

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"The last doggy bag."

"Are you gentlemen ready to eat or would you like to bat your food around awhile?"

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"What a slobster."

"You're an herivore, Bob. An herbivore...And start chewing your food."

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

I'll have a hamburger.

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"