Table Manners Humor Gifts

"They know me here Eddie, so for God's sake, don't start washing your food."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

'One year of obedience school and he still doesn't know which one is the dessert fork.'

"The last doggy bag."

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Hey! What did I tell you about drinking right out of your super bowl, young man?"

'For Heaven's sake Son, you're embarassing me! This is a feeding frenzy!'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Neat Nick!": Tidiest cowboy in the west

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'Don't chew your food.'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

"Oh no! Didn't you bring your phone?"

'It's rude to stretch across the table. Haven't you got a tongue?'

' Hey...he's not eating like a pig.'

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

'Have you been eating right?'

"Not at the table."

"Soup should be seen and not heard!"

'What's the special?'

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

Mom! Billy's censoring me!

'Quick, table two have both for their mouths full, ask them how their meal is.'

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"

'Do you think FOR ONCE you can chew with your mouth OPEN!'

"Gesundheit!"

Break Bread, Not Wind.

I don't care who you are - if you didn't reserve the round table. I'll have to seat you in a booth.