Dinner Table Dramatist Pillows

"I'm not saying it's undercooked, dear, but I've seen fish hurt worse than this jump off the hook."

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

The Perfect Foil

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'After you with the camouflage.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

"What will change my life?"

'Macaroni and cheese, three nights in a row?... That's justifiable homicide in my book!'

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

Dear, this is the third time we've had broccoli casserole since you declared an end of major hostilities.

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

'Today I learned it's hard not to sound condescending when explaining science to a religious person.'

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

Lady with an inflatable dinner date.

"Snowflake, quit eyeballing me!"

"Slop again?!"

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

Tinguely, Jean. Homage to the Dinner Party Mother Spent Months Preparing. Performance Piece. 1926.

"Good evening, my name is Hank. I'm your waiter tonight. This is Eddy, he is our cooks' lawyer."