Dinner Table Comedians Gifts

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"Ryan, are you giving your vegetables to the Roomba again?"

"Darling, can you pass me the salt and the pepper spray?"

'Your French dip, sir.'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"You folks like a little something?"

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

"Slop again?!"

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

"I'm not saying it's undercooked, dear, but I've seen fish hurt worse than this jump off the hook."

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'

'If it tastes just like chicken... I'd rather have chicken.'

'We had that last night.'

When Barry decided to start a campaign for gum control.

"... And would sir like a straw with that?"

'Can you recommend something good that won't look too fattening to passers-by?'

'If I'm not mistaken; aren't these the left-overs from last night's left-overs, from...'

'Eat your vegetables, or you'll go mad like your father!'

If I don't make a sound, he won't notice.

'Maybe we should try killing them first, and then cooking them.'

'I think I've got one, Doris!'

'If God had meant for me to eat Brussels sprouts, He would've put me in Belgium.'

'Who had the 'Chicken-a-la King'?'