Dinner Table Comedians Gifts

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"Ryan, are you giving your vegetables to the Roomba again?"

"Darling, can you pass me the salt and the pepper spray?"

'Your French dip, sir.'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"Knife...fork..."

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Please visit www.frtn_cookie.com.

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

"Slop again?!"

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

"I'm not saying it's undercooked, dear, but I've seen fish hurt worse than this jump off the hook."

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'

'If it tastes just like chicken... I'd rather have chicken.'

"... And would sir like a straw with that?"

'Can you recommend something good that won't look too fattening to passers-by?'

'If I'm not mistaken; aren't these the left-overs from last night's left-overs, from...'

When Barry decided to start a campaign for gum control.

'We had that last night.'

'Eat your vegetables, or you'll go mad like your father!'

If I don't make a sound, he won't notice.

"I have more underneath."

'I think I've got one, Doris!'