Dinner Comedian Gifts

Accountancy ice-breakers.

'Your French dip, sir.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

"Knife...fork..."

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

'Can you recommend something good that won't look too fattening to passers-by?'

"Ryan, are you giving your vegetables to the Roomba again?"

'If it tastes just like chicken... I'd rather have chicken.'