Dining Comedian Gifts

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

When Barry decided to start a campaign for gum control.

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

'Can you recommend something good that won't look too fattening to passers-by?'

Who ordered the tap water?

'Waiter there's a fly in my soup.' 'One moment Sir, I'll just fetch Mr Obama.'

A green pea on the tine of a fork

'I think I've got one, Doris!'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Night of the Latkes

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'Anybody for breakfast?'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Tell me, is a single spaghetti a spaghetus or what?"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"Corned beef and cabbage"

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

"Knife...fork..."

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'