Dining Experience Comedian Gifts

"There may be a slight delay on the mammoth."

Night of the Latkes

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Tell me, is a single spaghetti a spaghetus or what?"

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"You folks like a little something?"

"Corned beef and cabbage"

"Knife...fork..."

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'We'll let you know in a few minutes. Right now, we're googling your chef.'

"Table five looks good. We’ll have that."

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'Well, she ate the apple -- I SAID you should have the whole thing catered.'

'What's the special?'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

'Sorry, smile's off...'