Dining Experience Comedian Pillows

"There may be a slight delay on the mammoth."

Night of the Latkes

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"Tell me, is a single spaghetti a spaghetus or what?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

"You folks like a little something?"

"Corned beef and cabbage"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'We'll let you know in a few minutes. Right now, we're googling your chef.'

'What's the special?'

"Table five looks good. We’ll have that."

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

'Well, she ate the apple -- I SAID you should have the whole thing catered.'

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

'Freezer is on the blink.'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'Sorry, smile's off...'

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'