Dinner Time Comedian Gifts

'No, we said it yesterday. This is leftovers.'

'Maybe we should try killing them first, and then cooking them.'

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

'Your French dip, sir.'

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

'Bless this food we are about to receive, all except the broccoli. Bless the apple pie twice.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

Couple sharing the plastic widget from a pizza box like a chicken's wish bone

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"When dad cooks dinner, it's hard to tell if he's opening cans for us or the cat."

'The doctor said I was ready for solids, but not this solid!'

'Do you have any wine from the Ming dynasty?'

"J'entends le poulet qui arrive!"

"I try not to be picky, but this meal is a bit too sticky!"

'What's your favourite meal?' 'Seconds.'

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

'Waiter there is a candlestick in my soup!'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

"Snowflake, quit eyeballing me!"

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

'Charles, what did I tell you about bringing your work home?'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

When Barry decided to start a campaign for gum control.

"Ryan, are you giving your vegetables to the Roomba again?"

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'