Ironic Host Gifts

'It's a well kept secret but actually John and I are closet agoraphobics.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

Boy copying abstract artwork in an art gallery.

"She's not naked, Jake, she's French."

Man reading 'Bankruptcy for Dummies'.

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

Gigolo Diary

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

"You'll find all the adult 'Dummies and Idiots' guide books in the children's section."

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

Help yourself

Success Without Effort

"How can one sum up Henry's impact on all our lives? Negligible, I guess that'd do it."

"Animal Liberation by Peter Singer"

'I self-published a book on how to be successful. It forced me into bankruptcy.'

'Venison steaks for a year! Now, Mikey will tell you the bad news.'

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'

'I thought I'd just crease a few book spines while I catch up on my soaps.'

"Sorry - we don't stock religious titles in case it offends some of our customers."

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."

"We would LOVE to have you for dinner!"

Downcycling with Debbie

Book: Reduced - Slightly Damaged

Wussapalooka

Idiots guide to being an idiot.

'The bizarre etiquette of entertaining: the smaller the group the worse the food.'

'Doctor said to burn more calories.'