Ironic Entertainer Gifts

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."

Dinner at the Trapdoors

"Extreme miming"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

A rabbit giving another rabbit, 'rabbit ears'.

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

Bouncy Castle. Hey, you kids, get out of my house!

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

'Don't you ever knock?'

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

Man playing a harmonica on a exercise bike bores customers in a restaurant

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

'How much are your upside-down cakes? 99p.'

Paunch and Judy.

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

Pottery Slam

"The tricky bit is finding some UK infrastructure that's working to switch it off."

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'