Ironic Performer Gifts

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'Are we having fun yet?'

Boy copying abstract artwork in an art gallery.

"She's not naked, Jake, she's French."

Air Sitar.

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

'We run a respectable business here, Miss Faversham, so, just a reminder, no twerking!'

The Acrobat/Musician

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

A orchestra performs in the rain

"How can one sum up Henry's impact on all our lives? Negligible, I guess that'd do it."

"No air guitar"

"Some enchanted evening you may see a stranger, you may see a stranger across a crowded room..."

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."

Downcycling with Debbie

The Imperfect Hostess

"We're helping Tom to find alternative was of expressing his anger!"

'I couldn't break 100, so I bought new clubs and took lessons and now I can't break 120!'

Mild Thing.

"It's the hard knocks life for us..."

'That is very cute, dear, but it is not putting dinner on the table.'

'I fired them all. 2.437 of them. I'll go it alone.'

Ophidiophobic Society 10k Run.

Nifty ways to dump your lover; use the toilet seat as a picture frame.

'On your mark...'

"Good. Now, this time, also flap our wings."

'It's titled 'Art Thief'.'

Affectation? No, I really am having violin lessons!