Ironic Performer Gifts

Wussapalooka

Radiator jazz player

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'Are we having fun yet?'

Boy copying abstract artwork in an art gallery.

"She's not naked, Jake, she's French."

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

Air Sitar.

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

'We run a respectable business here, Miss Faversham, so, just a reminder, no twerking!'

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

There's so many things I should be doing that when I procrastinate, I'm multitasking.

The Acrobat/Musician

A orchestra performs in the rain

"No air guitar"

"How can one sum up Henry's impact on all our lives? Negligible, I guess that'd do it."

"Some enchanted evening you may see a stranger, you may see a stranger across a crowded room..."

"We're helping Tom to find alternative was of expressing his anger!"

Downcycling with Debbie

The Imperfect Hostess

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."

'I couldn't break 100, so I bought new clubs and took lessons and now I can't break 120!'

Mild Thing.

Nifty ways to dump your lover; use the toilet seat as a picture frame.

'I fired them all. 2.437 of them. I'll go it alone.'

Ophidiophobic Society 10k Run.

'On your mark...'

I don't know what came over me that week – I'm not normally that creative.

"It's the hard knocks life for us..."

'That is very cute, dear, but it is not putting dinner on the table.'

"Good. Now, this time, also flap our wings."

'It's titled 'Art Thief'.'