Ironic Speaker Gifts

"How can one sum up Henry's impact on all our lives? Negligible, I guess that'd do it."

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

Sock Puppet in Literature

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"I hope someday someone steals my identity and makes something out of my life."

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."

'I'm glad you're making friends, Darrel.'

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

Man reading 'Bankruptcy for Dummies'.

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

Meet The Ghostwriter

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'You've cured my insufferable conceit, Doc -- now I'm perfect!'

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'

'Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.'

"You'll find all the adult 'Dummies and Idiots' guide books in the children's section."

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

Gigolo Diary

"Remain calm and list your goals in order of priority."