Ironic Communicator Gifts

'Did you just text me to tell me we don't talk anymore?'

'Can you hear me now?'

"What do you mean: 'You don't believe that this is my answerphone'? Do you think I'd lie?"

'My son never called me until he became a telemarketer.'

"I'll be using tonight's briefing to show some data on domestic duty sharing, then I'll take questions from the floor."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Sock Puppet in Literature

Ninedency: A budding tendency

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I'm not sure which, but he's just invented either writing or vandalism. (Published originally on Feb. 11, 2011.)

Wordplay: Export.

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"Mom, come quick. Dad's in a stupor."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

"I've written the employees' benefit manual in invisible ink"

"I speak Latin, you know."

'Modern romance'

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

School nativity. Boy says: 'If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this drama ...'

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

'Of course, this social contract will have to remain hypothical until someone invents writing.'

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

Statue of Liberty

Give way - 'Oh, alright then...'

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"I appreciate succinct memos, Phillips, but stop writing them all in Haiku!"

"I see that, but can you play well with others?"