Ironic Communication Lover Gifts

"It's for you."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Of course, this social contract will have to remain hypothical until someone invents writing.'

"I don't mind getting email from you, Stevens. But don't ever send me another smiley-face emoji."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

Bird Messaging

'You're putting coffee grounds in the plants again, aren't you?'

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

Bell invents the telephone.

Next Year's Postal Service Marketing Campaign.

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

"What do you mean: 'You don't believe that this is my answerphone'? Do you think I'd lie?"

20 years as Stamp Club Chaorman and they send my retirement card by E-MAIL.

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

"I'm gonna make this short and to the point."

'I hope you don't want to leave a message - he hates messages.'

"Don't worry mate... We've rung for an economist."

'My son never called me until he became a telemarketer.'

'We get along so much better after I disabled the 'Comments' function of our relationship!'

"I'm not listening to any radio program. I'm listening to my wife!"

"I don't respond to threats. Or e-mails, by the way"

A chemist misunderstanding the request of a lady after a way to clean gloves.

"Ping me when you're done, yeah?"

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

'Did you just text me to tell me we don't talk anymore?'

Hermit on island can't escape modern society.

'I say! Fancy a date, old thing?'

Sorry I missed your call – I was on the other line.

"Why can't we have a discussion without it escalating into a shouting match?"

'It's the same thing every day, Mother. The first thing he does when he gets home is check his peemail.'

'Since I upgraded my cell phone, my reception is so much better.'

Text Smoke Signal.