Ironic Chatters Gifts

'It's SUPPOSED to be quiet up here!'

Sock Puppet in Literature

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

"Care for an oxymoron?"

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

"What do you mean: 'You don't believe that this is my answerphone'? Do you think I'd lie?"

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

The world of Freudian slips...

'Let's face it, if there was any talent about, we wouldn't be watching this rubbish!'

Snatching Failure from the Jaws of Success

"Isn't it great that even with our busy schedules we still make the time to just be together and talk about everything else we should bet getting done?"

"How can one sum up Henry's impact on all our lives? Negligible, I guess that'd do it."

'My son never called me until he became a telemarketer.'

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

"Don't worry mate... We've rung for an economist."

'Take two asprin and call my wife in the morning.'

'Healing was number one, but having people undress and then them paying me was my second reason for becoming a doctor.'

"After so many years of marriage what are you getting for your anniversary?"

"If your faith is so strong, why did you rush to the E.R. instead of your church?"

"Last year I gave up wine for lent. . . this year I'm just giving up lent!"

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

'Did you just text me to tell me we don't talk anymore?'