Ironic Chatters T-Shirts

'It's SUPPOSED to be quiet up here!'

Wifi in Hell

Sock Puppet in Literature

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"Care for an oxymoron?"

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

"What do you mean: 'You don't believe that this is my answerphone'? Do you think I'd lie?"

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

David Letterman

It is what it is. Settle down! Stop being such a worrywart. What's the worst that could happen? Inactivists.

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

The world of Freudian slips...

Summarizing the obvious: The gang, lost in Nowheresville, Utah, was saved by the spirit of Sadie Cohen, warning them how to get to safety. But how, and why? Stow it. Sadie and her spirit couldn't stand the idea of being without us. It would've left her with no one to despise. I feel so needed. My spirit is on lockdown!!!

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, Al. I might have found that quote useful if not for my deadly fear of hobgoblins.

"How can one sum up Henry's impact on all our lives? Negligible, I guess that'd do it."

"Isn't it great that even with our busy schedules we still make the time to just be together and talk about everything else we should bet getting done?"

'Let's face it, if there was any talent about, we wouldn't be watching this rubbish!'

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

Snatching Failure from the Jaws of Success

"Don't worry mate... We've rung for an economist."

'My son never called me until he became a telemarketer.'

'Healing was number one, but having people undress and then them paying me was my second reason for becoming a doctor.'

'Take two asprin and call my wife in the morning.'

Two phones talking to one another.

"If your faith is so strong, why did you rush to the E.R. instead of your church?"

"Last year I gave up wine for lent. . . this year I'm just giving up lent!"

"After so many years of marriage what are you getting for your anniversary?"

Oh, hey, the music's starting. Can I call you right back? Inside a Jack-in-the-box.

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'