Ironic Commentators Gifts

'I had it all - the the IRS found where I had it hidden.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Wifi in Hell

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"With great power comes great reward."

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"Can you hear me now?"

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

That's nothing. You should see what he writes in the comments section.

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

Suggestions Get Shredded.

'ANOTHER fatwah?! Who have you been sharing your thoughts with this time?'

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."

Free Speech has heavy price.

Black Friday

A Diverse Cabinet That Looks Like America

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

'Psst, Senator, not that one -- that's your HIDDEN agenda!'

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

"There's a customer-satisfaction questionnaire for you to fill out and for us to not look at and immediately throw away."

"While a cure for curiosity remains elusive, it continues to take a deadly toll."

'This is what we call a 'patient'...you MAY find some reference to one of them on page 435 of your manual.'

"The only reason I would take a job in government is to write a tell-all book!"

China deploys troops to prepare for an American invasion of North Korea. Russia warns that if America attacks Syria again, Russia will respond with force. Y'know, last time we had a world war, we weren't the ones everyone was defending themselves against. Sometimes when you're playing tag, it's more fun to be "it." We should have out own political show.

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"I usually vote for whoever promises to cut the most tax."

'I always vote for the candidate I think will do the least damage.'

Uniformed but Passionate

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

Why Physics and Politics Don't Mix