Ironic Guru Gifts

"Well, for starters, you’re holding the shovel all wrong."

Guru on cliff reads Cliff Notes

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

Site of new Super Gamblers Anonymous.

'Hendrikson is playing his practical joke again!'

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"I hope someday someone steals my identity and makes something out of my life."

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

Jasper Coot: 'Osama shoulda named me to the Supreme Court! I ain't no judge, so I'm qualified! Hell. I ann't even a damn lawyer! But Lord knows, I am judgemental!

'Just decaning the wine, Dear; I'll be in, in a sec. Someone's at the door; and oh, yeah, the dog needs to be let in.'

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."

'I'm glad you're making friends, Darrel.'

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."

Meet The Ghostwriter

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

"Shows you how much I know."

'You've cured my insufferable conceit, Doc -- now I'm perfect!'

'Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.'

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

Talking Books: 'Push button to hear what critics say about...'

"Remain calm and list your goals in order of priority."

"I eat green but I don't vote green."

The Dungeon