Funny Guru Gifts

'You know, Miss, if you ever want to have an out-of-body, experience, I'll be glad to keep an eye on it for you!'

Fish building a bomb to save themselves.

Beach con-man.

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

After I crossed the road, I began to ask myself why I did anything.

'Hendrikson is playing his practical joke again!'

'Just decaning the wine, Dear; I'll be in, in a sec. Someone's at the door; and oh, yeah, the dog needs to be let in.'

Strange man has a nose monocle.

Hose and Flower in Perfect Harmony.

Cave Man Hanging Framed Cave Paintings

I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Batfan" in Dallas, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java Cybercafe. My girlfriend is refusing to go see "Justice League" because she things Marvel's take on the genre is the only way to do it. How do I get her to be more open-minded and tolerant? You don't! Just become less open-minded yourself. You can't change other people, you can only seek vengeance upon them. Um ... Do you happen to have Doctor Phil's number?

"Sorry about that. Just following the serving suggestion."

Third eye

"Curious and curiouser."

'Hello... Hare Club for Men...'

"Well, for starters, you’re holding the shovel all wrong."

Dummy no. 5836 was found lying in a pool of his own fake vomit.

"Complaining empowers us."

'Last arrests at the bar please...!'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

Fishes

Liv Ullmann

"I want to be a stand up comic, but life's not crap enough."

"I charge according to the size of the target."

The gods drink beer while Zeus throws a thunderbolt.

'The meaning of life? Let me Google that for you.'

"What do you call a fish with no eyes?" "A Fsh."

"I'm a lovebird Monica. If you wanted passion you should have married a passionbird!"

'Anybody can learn to draw - the hard part is thinking up the gags.'

The fuzziness you're experiencing is not a problem with your set — You are listening to a paid political broadcast.

"It's Albert's revamped version of the old 'arrow through the head' gag, but it still needs a bit of work."

'You have nothing to fear but fear itself... and my bill.'

"Have you seen Meredith? She just got her braces off."