Ironic Cooks Gifts

'Doctor said to burn more calories.'

'Man, they sure know how to be cruel! 24 hours a day of the Gournet Food Channel!'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Children's Feast.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'Needs more kale.'

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"More helium."

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

Hudson River Crouton

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.