Ironic Eaters Gifts

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

'The food here is very good - a little oily, but good.'

Diet.

Fast food

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Pollyanna, your teeth are shot. Stop sugar coating everything!"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"I guess laughter wasn’t the best medicine."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

"Oh crap, my mood ring!"

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

'I saw my trainer eating here, and that's good enough for me.'

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

I use to file your expenses at the office Mr. Henderson, but I never dreamed I'd be one of them.

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

Food-Snob Fear Factor

"I'm glad I found the time to join this meeting, otherwise we wouldn't see each other in years!"

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

'Venison steaks for a year! Now, Mikey will tell you the bad news.'

It occurred to Norman that he was using far, far too much salt.

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'

Rice Cakes Gone Wild