Ironic Dieters Gifts

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

My budgie likes Mars bars.

Food-Snob Fear Factor

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

It occurred to Norman that he was using far, far too much salt.

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

"They're veggie hot dogs but don't worry—they're made in a really gross way."

'Bad news... all our tests came back with you as delicious.'

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

"Be it fever or cold, Mr Goldsmith, in your case, I think we should starve them both."

Fat Kid.

'I don't mind pigging out as long as it's not on empty calories.'

"I have put on a few pounds, but it's mostly water weight."

Diet.

Fast food

"This is the latest craze - eat anything you want, anytime you want. It's called the San Andreas Plan."

"My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork."

"Okay, I'll eat my vegetables. But, when they make me big and strong, you better watch out!"

"I'm really good at diets, this is my 50th!"