Ironic Dieters Gifts

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Turns out it was all water weight."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

My budgie likes Mars bars.

Food-Snob Fear Factor

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

It occurred to Norman that he was using far, far too much salt.

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

'Bad news... all our tests came back with you as delicious.'

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

"They're veggie hot dogs but don't worry—they're made in a really gross way."

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

"Okay, I'll eat my vegetables. But, when they make me big and strong, you better watch out!"

"I have put on a few pounds, but it's mostly water weight."

"My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork."

Fat Kid.

'I don't mind pigging out as long as it's not on empty calories.'

Diet.

"This is the latest craze - eat anything you want, anytime you want. It's called the San Andreas Plan."

"Be it fever or cold, Mr Goldsmith, in your case, I think we should starve them both."

Fast food