Ironic Dieters Club Gifts

'...until the doctor put me on this bread and butter diet nothing worked for me.'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

How much did you lose on your 14 day diet?

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

I Speak Your Weight: "Lay off the pizza and chips!"

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

Weight Watchers: StOUT and thIN Desk Organizers

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

Fast food

"This is the latest craze - eat anything you want, anytime you want. It's called the San Andreas Plan."

'Every time I go on a diet, some kind of physiological disturbance kicks in that sends me off on a feeding frenzy.'

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

Diet.

'Hello Judith, how is your diet going...'

Overweight Woman Cheating On Scales.

'That's not what I meant when I said you needed to grow into your job.'

'The food here is very good - a little oily, but good.'

'Honey, why don't you start watching your diet instead of eating it?'

I'm trying to eat healthier. Let's pick up pizza ourselves rather than having it delivered.

'Oh she's certainly on a diet but can't decide whether to have it before or after her normal meals...!'

"Today I'm gonna stuff myself! I'll have half a broccoli and a glass of water!"

'I'm an expert on diets, I've been on 456 of them!'

"On the bright side, you did lose ten pounds...just not quite where you wanted!"