Ironic Healthy Eater Gifts

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

"I've had enough sweets for one day."

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

Food-Snob Fear Factor

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away...can it be a candy apple?"

It occurred to Norman that he was using far, far too much salt.

'No dinner for me mum. I don't want to spoil my appetite for in between meal, snacks.'

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

FOOD TENDED TO GO DIRECTLY TO EMILY'S EARS....

'Bad news... all our tests came back with you as delicious.'

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

"They're veggie hot dogs but don't worry—they're made in a really gross way."

Mother Nature's Health Foods

Rice Cakes Gone Wild

"All these healthy eating edicts and chew twenty times...I'm fed up to where my back teeth used to be!"

Strict Diet,

The problem with word of mouth marketing was that the word everyone used was rubbish.