Ironic Host T-Shirts

'It's a well kept secret but actually John and I are closet agoraphobics.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

Boy copying abstract artwork in an art gallery.

Man reading 'Bankruptcy for Dummies'.

"She's not naked, Jake, she's French."

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'

"You'll find all the adult 'Dummies and Idiots' guide books in the children's section."

Gigolo Diary

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

Help yourself

Success Without Effort

"Animal Liberation by Peter Singer"

"How can one sum up Henry's impact on all our lives? Negligible, I guess that'd do it."

'I self-published a book on how to be successful. It forced me into bankruptcy.'

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'

'I thought I'd just crease a few book spines while I catch up on my soaps.'

Downcycling with Debbie

Idiots guide to being an idiot.

"We would LOVE to have you for dinner!"

"Sorry - we don't stock religious titles in case it offends some of our customers."

'The bizarre etiquette of entertaining: the smaller the group the worse the food.'

Book: Reduced - Slightly Damaged

"We outsourced our joyless TV dinners to a delightful couple from next door."

'Doctor said to burn more calories.'

'I really should consult a dietician. My idea of preparing healthy food is to blow the sugar off a donut.'