Ironic Chef T-Shirts

'I really should consult a dietician. My idea of preparing healthy food is to blow the sugar off a donut.'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

'The bizarre etiquette of entertaining: the smaller the group the worse the food.'

Diet Books Around the Fridge.

'Frozen dinners have more calories if you heat them up.'

"The cook book was fantastic, now do you have a good dieting book?"

"Peanut butter sandwich. Instant pudding. TV dinner. Canned soup. This is home-style cooking."

"Just once, I'd like to have a great big, juicy steak!"

"We don't need menus. Just pick the healthiest dish you have and give it to us deep fried."

Cookbooks

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

Flying sauces.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'I put the cake in the blender because I wanted a glass of cake.'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'Prepare to meet your maker!'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

'If Darwin had been the cook on the Beagle' 'Menu- its Evolution'.

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!