Snarky Chef T-Shirts

NEW! Self-cooking chili! Just add Jalapenos!

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"More helium."

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

Three Pigs.

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

"Tonight I'm making spotted bass. Tomorrow night, spotted spaghetti."

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

Mock Apple Pie Recipe

"For supper tonight, we'll have pizza, and cold pizza for dessert."

'People soup again?'

Noodle exchange program.