Snarky Chef Mugs

NEW! Self-cooking chili! Just add Jalapenos!

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'My husband made my cake from scratch...even the candles.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

"More helium."

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Three Pigs.

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"Tonight I'm making spotted bass. Tomorrow night, spotted spaghetti."

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

"For supper tonight, we'll have pizza, and cold pizza for dessert."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

Mock Apple Pie Recipe

'People soup again?'

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'