Satirical Chefs T-Shirts

Intolerant Chef

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'I think I'll go home and eat'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

Alphabet soup

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

Three Pigs.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

"For supper tonight, we'll have pizza, and cold pizza for dessert."

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

The real reason salad aids weight loss