Satirical Chefs Gifts

Intolerant Chef

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'I think I'll go home and eat'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

Alphabet soup

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Three Pigs.

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"For supper tonight, we'll have pizza, and cold pizza for dessert."

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

"Tonight I'm making spotted bass. Tomorrow night, spotted spaghetti."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'People soup again?'