Humorous Chef Gifts

Noodle exchange program.

'Have you guys ever actually read the directions on a box of shake'n'bake?'

I'm still hungry. Go back four seconds.

Police Crime Scene tin can.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'The Burrito King.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

Where Deviled Eggs come from

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

A Pirate Egg Prisoner about to Walk the Plank into a boiling pot of water

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Needs more kale.'