Humor Chef Gifts

"Tia Carmen, did you ever use a stool to cook?"

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Needs more kale.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

Alphabet soup

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Three Pigs.

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

Great Moments in Culinary History.

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

"For supper tonight, we'll have pizza, and cold pizza for dessert."

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

"Tonight I'm making spotted bass. Tomorrow night, spotted spaghetti."

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

Noodle exchange program.

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

Intolerant Chef

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'