Joking Chef Gifts

"For supper tonight, we'll have pizza, and cold pizza for dessert."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Onion operation.

'Needs more kale.'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

Alphabet soup

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

Three Pigs.

Great Moments in Culinary History.

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

"Tonight I'm making spotted bass. Tomorrow night, spotted spaghetti."

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

Sun Dried Ice Cubes