Ironic Award Recipient Gifts

'Dear valued customer, due to your lack of discipline and total disregard for your credit limit, you're the customer of the month.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Procrastinators Incorporated

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

Boy copying abstract artwork in an art gallery.

'Don't call us, we'll call you, inc,'

"She's not naked, Jake, she's French."

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

"Physician heal thyself."

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

Gigolo Diary

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

"You were employee of the month. This month you're the firee of the month."

'I self-published a book on how to be successful. It forced me into bankruptcy.'

'Venison steaks for a year! Now, Mikey will tell you the bad news.'

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'

'The bizarre etiquette of entertaining: the smaller the group the worse the food.'

Quick, take a photo - it's her first ironic smile!

Wussapalooka

'There's a machine now that tells you when to stop drinking. It's called a cash point machine.'

Downcycling with Debbie

Young Che Guevara contemplates a career in t-shirt design.

'I really should consult a dietician. My idea of preparing healthy food is to blow the sugar off a donut.'

'We will KILL whoever did this!'

Mild Thing.

'And now for BEST MOVIE ERODING AMERICA'S MORAL VALUES...'

Nifty ways to dump your lover; use the toilet seat as a picture frame.

"The cook book was fantastic, now do you have a good dieting book?"

I don't know what came over me that week – I'm not normally that creative.

'I fired them all. 2.437 of them. I'll go it alone.'

"We don't need menus. Just pick the healthiest dish you have and give it to us deep fried."

'It's titled 'Art Thief'.'