Ironic Advisor Gifts

'I told him I couldn't keep him any longer and he lectured me on how to run my financial affairs!'

'I want you to lay off pork. In fact, I wish everyone would lay off pork.'

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Admit it, we're lost."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"Now then Mr Parker - are you relaxed?"

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

Man reading 'Bankruptcy for Dummies'.

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"I suppose we could burst onto the literary scene."

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"She's not naked, Jake, she's French."

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

AI Summit

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."

Meet The Ghostwriter

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'

'You've cured my insufferable conceit, Doc -- now I'm perfect!'

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

'Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.'

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

"You'll find all the adult 'Dummies and Idiots' guide books in the children's section."

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

Kangaroo with a smoking baby.

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."