Otherworldly Advisor Gifts

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

"All the celebrities come here."

'I'm afraid there is no Book of Loophole.'

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"After finally discovering that we exist, you would think you would have something more important to ask than if we had Roku."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"Welcome aboard - That'll be your work station over there."

"How do I get down?"

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''