Spiritual Advisor Gifts

"Go ask your mother."

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

"I've decided to pursue a profession where religion doesn't play such an important role."

'You're dead. But don't worry ? it sounds a lot worse than it is.'

Inner Help Wanted - Apply Within

"Now I have a question for you."

"The meaning of life? Didn't you see the FAQ on my website?"

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"Actually, I've got a bit of a knotty problem myself..."

"When she gets back, don't mention we were talking. They hate it when we cut out the middleman."

'There's no charge for the advice and wisdom, but I would eventually like those jumper cables returned!'

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

'There are some things in this world that are just not Googleable.'

'You have nothing to be ashamed of. If it were not for the Will of God, those obscene profits wouldn't be up for grabs.'

Guru - Truth or 'Do your own Research.'

'I switched from tarot cards to a computer years ago.'

"What is it you'd like to know about incentives, my son?"

"Lets put it this way...in your case the point is moot!"

"If every day is a gift, where can I return all of last week?"

Felix was finally relaxed. He was finally, really and truly in touch with himself. Then he suddenly remembered how his Catholic school nun said that was evil.

'How rich is too rich?'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"According to google, yahoo and bing, the meaning of life is 'more data space'."

"What do you mean, 'it is what it is. . .?'"

'Actually, I came up here to get away from people asking me about the secret to happiness.'

"No one reads them, all wisdom flows on WhatsApp now."

"Instead of chanting 'Aum' can I keep texting 'Good Morning?'"

Always! Just as I sit down to eat!

Life is about the chase, not the ball. Now go get it!

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

Fitness Guru

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

For questions about the Apostles, try Father Benedict, two mountains to the east."