Spiritual Adviser Gifts

'The secret to prosperity is turn your thinking cap around.'

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

'The first step toward wisdom is accepting that no one knows exactly when to 'buy low' and 'sell high'.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'This just isn't working - the mountains constantly remind me of the peaks and valleys of a business chart!'

'Just when you think you've reached the final awareness, they send another update.'

'That's it? Listen to my mom?'

'Stocks are yin, bonds are yang. But I could be totally wrong. Maybe bonds are yin, stocks are yang.'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

'If your guru business is slow, do what I did. Get a professional website presence on the Internet. That's how you found me, right?'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'I can explain the mysteries of the universe but no one can explain why teachers don't get paid enough!'

Meaning of Life/Afterlife/Battery Life

"If blaming global warming doesn't work, blame it on autocorrect."

Working from Om

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

'I won't discuss the secret sauce...'

Guru in a maze.

"I'll have a pastrami on rye!"

'How to program a VCR? Dude, I've got to get dad out of retirement for that one!'

'The meaning of life was sex, drugs, and rock & roll, but now I'm thinking hedge funds.'

"I have no idea what it all means, but we can go online to see what it all costs."

'I don't understand the meaning of the whole Universe yet - I'm only 23.'

'Are you sure about this? - The Meaning of Life isn't PRETTY, you know.'

'What do you mean, you hear a burglar downstairs?'

'The Meaning of Life or your life!'

'For enlightenment, you'll have to see the Guru up there - I'm just the INTERN.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"No, I can't just fire you up one of those stone oven pizzas."

"Medicate!"

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

"Oh-oh - I think I just lost my enlightenment momentum!"

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"Can it still be fast food if the service is slow?"