Spiritual Soothsayer Gifts

Tell me what you know about destiny...

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

Pie Filling Reader

'Want to make it two out of three?'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

"All the celebrities come here."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"How do I get down?"

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"Welcome aboard - That'll be your work station over there."

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

"We call out to you, please reveal yourself, oh Spirit of Innovation."