Spiritual Soothsayer Gifts

Tell me what you know about destiny...

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

Pie Filling Reader

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

"All the celebrities come here."

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"How do I get down?"

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"Welcome aboard - That'll be your work station over there."

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'